The following scene has been cut from Video/DVD release but can
be seen on TV repeats. It is the first scene in the Mardi Gras Nightclub before Del and the
others realise that it is Raquel on stage.
INT. NIGHT. MARDI GRAS NIGHTCLUB.
As we join scene Del and Rodney are seated at a table
eating scampi in a basket. Their table is situated very
close to the stage where a singer is performing.
Blinding bit of scampi, innit, eh? It's fresh an'all, you know. Straight out of the sea into
You don't get scampi off this coast!
Of course you do! It's the sea, innit?
Yeah, but it's Margate!
Yeah I know, but the scampi don't know that, do they?
No, I suppose not.
'Ere, What was that starter that, um, Cassandra made us last week?
Mmm! That's it. They were lovely moules, an' all weren't they, eh? 'Cos she's got style, see.
I mean, that Cassandra is a classy lady.
I suppose so.
No, no suppose so about it. I mean, a lot of people, you know, cheapos, would have used mussels,
(As if trying to broach a very delicate subject)
We get on well.
Mmm? Yeah, of course we do! Blimey!
No, I meant me and Cassandra.
Oh, I see. Well that's good, Because I mean, your missus should be more than just your wife,
you know. She should be your bestmate an' all.
Yeah. It's just... sometimes you get the feeling... I don't know how to explain it... Have you
ever read a book... (Realises that Delhas never read abook)
... Well have you ever seen a film where someone marries beneath themselves?
Oh, don't start that, Rodney! You have not married beneath yourself!
Cassandra comes from a very lovely family! Your problem is you're letting her rule you. I mean,
that cobblers tonight you know, she wouldn't let you out! I mean, what are you, a man or a
mouse? You've gotta learn to assert yourself. I mean, I may sound old-fashioned, but you
take my word for it, in the end a man likes a woman to be a woman! And a bird likes a bloke to
be a bloke!
(New found pride and determination)
D'you know you're right!
Mmm, that is Bonnet de Douche, as they say in the Basque region.
Yeah, that's it. Oh, 'ere, come on. Drink up, we'll have another one ... Look who's here, the three
Oi Boycie! Boycie, over here!
We see Boycie, Mike and Trigger have arrived.
They move to the Trotter's table.
(Loudly - at least above the music)
It's good here, innit eh?
Yeah, they got a magician, a singer and a comedian. The singer'll be on in a minute!
The singer sings a few more words then reacts to Del's line, continues singing.
So where are you staying?
Oh, we got a lovely little bed and breakfast, ain't we, Rodney?
Yeah, it's really good!
Yes, well, me, Mike and Alan booked into a hotel, down on the front.
I got a room in a motel. They don't know I ain't got a car!
Trigger winks in a 'fooled 'em' way.
I'd keep quiet about that if I was you, Trig.
The singer ends her act. Applause. Eddie enters stage. Now as Eddie introduces the next
act, the Jolly Boys' splinter group go into conversation. We may just about
be able to hear the introduction.
(Over the Jolly Boys' dialogue)
And now the Margate Mardi Gras is very proud to introduce to you one of Europe's greatest
magicians. Ladies and gentlemen, will you give a big Mardi Gras welcome to the Great Ramondo and
The Great Ramondo and Raquel are on stage in background. There is a board on an easel
which tell us it is indeed: The Great Ramondo and Raquel. Ramondo goes into his act with a
gentle trick - turning several scarves into a big silk scarf. Raquel is prancing
around Debbie Maghee fashion with the fixed smile of the synchronised swimmer.
(Over the above introduction and entrance)
Oi! Where's Alan?
Oh of course, you wouldn't have heard about that, would you? Well, you know how much Alan loves
shellfish? Well he ate half the ocean bed today. Until at some time or another, he copped an