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Series 5, From Prussia with Love

Albert: I can speak a bit of German, I was over there just after the war.

Del: Yes, come over here, sit down. Now listen to me I want you to ask her what her name is, where she lives, her address and all that sort of thing.

Albert: Right, leave this to me.......Vot ess your nem.


Christmas 1986, A Royal Flush

Albert: Him? You must be joking. He thinks a clipper's something you do your hair with! No, I'm the only one in our family who ever went to sea...
I tell a lie. My grandmother's brother was safety officer on the Titanic.


Series 6, Yuppy Love

Rodney: Think of it from our business point of view, eh? I mean this flat is in a wonderful position. It's 15 minutes from the West End, it's 15 minutes from the motorway.

Albert: And 15 minutes from the ground!.


Series 6, Danger UXD

Rodney: Del, these dolls ain't called Barbie or Sindy. These dolls are called Lusty Linda and Erotic Estelle.

Del: You can't have dolls with names like that!

Rodney: You can if you go to the right shops!

Albert now pulls one of the dolls from the box and unfolds it. It is a life-size, inflatable doll.
Del and Rodney look horrified at each other.

Del: Bloody hell, what have we got ourselves into here?

Albert: They're big for little dolls, ain't they?

Rodney: No, Unc. They ain't ordinary dolls. You get them advertised in ... (Winks at Albert) magazines!

Albert: Yeah? Where's that Radio Times?


Christmas 1989, The Jolly Boys' Outing

Albert: Cold, you bits of kid don't know the meaning of the word. You should have been with me on the Russian convoys. One night it was so cold the flame on my lighter froze.


Series 7, Three Men a Women and a Baby

Rodney: Where is everyone?

Albert: Raquel's still in bed, Del went a work about six this morning

Rodney: But it's Sunday! Don't he ever have a day off?

Albert: He's a yuppy, ain't he? As he says the business world never sleeps. As the New York stock exchange closes, Tokyo opens. Del's gotta keep his finger on the pulse

Rodney: Where's he gone?

Albert: Petticoat Lane!


Christmas 1996, Time On Our Hands

Albert: During the...

Del: If you say during the war, I'll pour this cup of tea over your head!

Albert: I wasn't going to say during the war!

Del: Alright then.

Albert: Bloody little know all!

Del: Sorry.

Albert: That's alright. During the 1939 to 1945 conflict with Germany...